What To Do When She Gets Sick

I received this helpful list in the context of a cousin fighting cancer, but these are solid suggestions for anyone wanting to do more to support a sick person.

1. No Mr. Fix-It. Try to listen to her without judgment. It’s best not to try to fix this.

2. Say it with Flowers, and Hugs and Kisses. Now more than ever, she needs to know how much you love her. Bring her flowers, hug her often and say “I love you,” with actions and words, over and over again. Write her a love note and talk about what you love about her and what she means in your life.

3. Offer Specific Help. “Anything I can do?” might be hard for her to answer. So offer specific help. Can I shop for your groceries? Can I drive you to your doctor’s appointments? Take notes when you are at the doctor’s office. Be creative and tell us, what did you do? Wash her car. Take up a collection and buy a day of housecleaning, window washing or carpet cleaning while she is away at chemotherapy. Arrange for a day of babysitting so she can rest. Run errands – the cleaners, drug store, post office, bank deposits. Arrange among your circle of friends to deliver meals, organize carpools to drive her kids to school and their activities. Set up a cooler outside her door – so she doesn’t feel obligated to meet and greet each meal delivery – and drop off dinners there.

4. Faraway Friends. You’re halfway across the country, but you desperately want to help. Knowing your friend might feel passionately about helping others struggle with breast cancer and finding new treatments, she will appreciate if you participate in a walk-a-thon, or rally a group to do so in her honor.

5. Deliver Comfort - Pamper Her. If she’s in the hospital or at home bring her special little things to make her feel special. Take a cozy blanket, a favorite lotion and bath gel. A good book. A roomy shirt with buttons in front or a comfy robe. Arrange for an in-home/at hospital manicure or facial. Drop by with a milkshake or her favorite coffee drink or favorite gourmet

6. Just Be There.“When you are hit with such a difficult diagnosis you are catapulted into a world that is very foreign,” says CarePage member Penny Nuttall. “Suddenly you do not feel like you are a person anymore but a disease and people react to you in very interesting ways. Some good some bad.” She adds: “Be supportive in the way the person afflicted needs you to be, not in ways "you" think they should be. Everyone is an individual who deals with stress in their own way. Ask that person what they need without judgment. Some want to talk some don't. Some need to retreat some don't. This a time when people need to garner all their physical, emotional spiritual strength to get well so take care of other concerns i.e. kids, house etc... so that person can do this. Always make them feel unconditionally loved, supported, respected and part of you world. Love is such a curative property that cannot be quantified.”

7. Throw a Feel-Good Shower. If her hair is falling out and she asks for your advice, take her shopping for a wig or oversized scarves and a pair of pretty earrings too. Hold a hat shower and ask friends to bring cool hats and scarves. Also, ask everyone to bring an inspirational letter for your friend too.

Eric and Sharon Langshur
www.carepages.com